I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
