WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
