In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
