I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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