we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
