ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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