yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
