It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
