Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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