I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
