Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
