I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
