i barfeds in our rink
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
