If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
