yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
