Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
