Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You've changed since you got that strap on
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
