I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
