i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
