She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
time to smoke my breakfast
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
