You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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