That's intense
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
