She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize