I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
