It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
