I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
