i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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