90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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