my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
