She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
