My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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