did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
