Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
