it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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