you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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