Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And then he peed in my hair
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