Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
