Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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