That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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