In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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