My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
