no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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