I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
