he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
