I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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