he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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