Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
