I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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