you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
