I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
