I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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