so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
