blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
