Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
