does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
