The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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