when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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