So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
youre lurking in front of me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
