I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
