she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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