OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
