Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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