life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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