How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
