I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
